He is terrified of being without me and has panic attacks at the idea of not being able to join me on work trips. I find it a turn-off and it is sucking the joy out of my job
My husband and I have been together for four years, although we married recently. We love each other very much and have regular, enjoyable sex.
The issue is that since lockdown my husband is terrified of being without me. I have to travel for work, and he is having panic attacks at the concept of not being able to come with me. (He often can, as he is able to work remotely, but it’s not always practical.) He counts down the days from when we last had sex, especially if I’m in a busy period at work or will have to travel soon. I find that quite stressful and a turn-off. If we can’t be together working from home, he wants to spend all our evenings together, and gets upset if I read an article on my phone, even if I’m cuddling him as I do it. If friends or family are coming to visit, he is stressed for at least a week beforehand about getting to spend enough time with me before they arrive. I’m nervous about mentioning work commitments that take me away from home overnight.
Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.
If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions: see gu.com/letters-terms.
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