The question I have reached a point in my life where I am having to make the major commitments expected, like marriage, homeownership and children. Decisions that shape your life. I recently chose to end a relationship and step away from buying a house, though, because I felt unable to commit wholeheartedly. In some ways, it only felt I reached those significant events because it was forced upon me rather than getting excited and choosing for myself. It’s not that I don’t take a plunge – sometimes I have to, after all I have to live somewhere. But it always seems to be someone else doing the deciding. I just don’t have any eagerness or desire for anything.
The more I think about it, the more I feel that I have this across my whole life and for all my life. I have a very short-term outlook where I can look forward to small things, like a holiday or starting a new job. But I can’t look forward to anything that has future implications. I never stay with an employer for a long time, or even commit to a savings plan.
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