It’s not surprising that you’re angry, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith, but it might help to recognise what those feelings mean
My stepdad died suddenly in March and my half-sister (his only biological child) chose to scatter his ashes when I was still locked in one of the hotel quarantine rooms in New Zealand. Missing the funeral and the ceremony was a brutal thing to experience during the pandemic. While some things were out of my sister’s control, she could have waited for me to be there for the final goodbye. Because I don’t have a “claim” to him, I felt as though I couldn’t speak up. I helped her plan the funeral and went through gargantuan efforts to be there to support her but she even “forgot” to stream the ash scattering after promising to get footage. Because the funeral was outside, I couldn’t hear a single word on the video stream.
My sister is finally ready to “talk” but I am still so livid that she would display such disregard for my feelings. A bereavement is difficult for all. I feel that our relationship (she is my closest friend) has shifted irrevocably. This is devastating but I can’t be close to someone I feel so hurt by. I feel bad for feeling bad. Am I being entitled and selfish? I’d really like to improve my own behaviour in this and not make the situation worse than it already is. (This question has been edited for length.)
Continue reading...from Lifestyle | The Guardian https://ift.tt/3xL1Dq0