Talking is the answer, says Annalisa Barbieri. Not just about whether to have a baby, but about how you’ll react – and who will change the nappies
Since I started dating my girlfriend six months ago, I’ve had this feeling that something just fits, in a way I’ve never felt before. In past relationships I’ve had periods of insecurity and mismatches in energy or expectations. Here, so far, there has been none of that. The few misunderstandings we’ve had have been worked out in a way that left us feeling better than before. There’s a lot of warmth and affection; we trust and respect each other, and the sex is very good. I don’t feel like anything is missing. Sometimes, I suppose a bit more passion or excitement could be nice, but I attribute some of this to the stress of pandemic times. Given our healthy sex life, I’m not hung up on it.
Here’s the issue: I’ve always imagined dating someone for at least two years before considering next steps (marriage, children). Both of us are on the same page about wanting these things one day. When I first met my girlfriend, she had come to terms with the possibility of not having children biologically, as she is nearing 40. I should mention that I am 30, also a woman, and would like to have children biologically if I can, though presumably I have more time. However, as we have become closer, she has made a few comments suggesting she would like the experience of having a child biologically, if possible. I am sure she would never pressure me about it. Of course, I can’t make this decision entirely on my own, but my question is: if the gut feeling is good, if the relationship feels right, is it worth jumping in? Should we take the steps to have a child together this early on in our relationship? Or at least, propose the option?
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