It’s your body and your choice, and you are totally within your rights to say no to anything, says Annalisa Barbieri
I am in my late 20s, and have been with my boyfriend for almost 10 years. I love him dearly and don’t want to lose him. However, we are having trouble sexually. He is interested in S&M and kinky things, and I am unwilling to explore that with him. It frightens me and I don’t always feel safe when we do try. I feel pressured and fear that I won’t be lovable if I don’t force myself to please him. He thinks I am being selfish and conventional. We are each unable to understand the other’s point of view.
It brings back childhood memories: my brother and my cousin both sexually assaulted me when we were children. I felt so ashamed and rarely spoke of it. Also, in my teens, I had some disturbing experiences, including losing my virginity without my consent. I feel, in these experiences, the men did not want to cause harm, but they never realised the consequences of their actions.
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