Put the emphasis on conversation, not confrontation, says Annalisa Barbieri. And invite him to spell out what he does and doesn’t want from life
My boyfriend and I have had a lot of serious conversations about marriage and kids, as those are things we want in the next two years. We are both single parents to two-year-old boys, and we’d like to add two or three more children to our family. The problem is that when the conversation turns serious, he immediately starts making jokes, and comes across as if the discussion isn’t important to him. Even when he says he wants to have a serious discussion and initiates it, it’s in such a joking manner that I don’t know whether or not he is being serious.
I’ve explained that it irritates me, that I don’t feel heard, and it pushes me away, because I don’t feel as if I know the real him. I’ve explained that I prefer these conversations to have a serious tone, because no one in my family is able to talk about serious things without balking, or leaving the discussion altogether. I understand that he may be using it to cope because he’s not had many of these conversations (his parents are very buttoned up about serious issues).
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