I’m not sure where the fear comes from exactly, even after months of therapy
I know it sounds ridiculous: I’m a queer woman who’s scared of vaginas. I’m scared of other people’s and I’m scared of my own. It doesn’t sound very feminist of me, does it? I’m happy with every other part of the female anatomy. I just don’t like the sensation of being inside anyone, including myself.
My first sexual experience was with a woman. I never spoke to her about my fear, and spent the whole time worried, self-conscious and guilty. Of course, it’s easy to say, “If they’re the right person, then they’ll understand” but in my experience it’s not been as simple as that. If I blurt out, “I’m scared of your vagina!” I sound as if I’m essentialising my partner, reducing them to their genitalia. It’s problematic and potentially offensive. So instead I avoided the conversation with her, and that relationship, like the others after it, broke down.
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