Is it possible I’m scared to be judged by somebody I really like, and am subconsciously sabotaging myself?
I am a 20-year-old gay man and my sex life is bringing my mood down. I tend to meet guys to whom I am not attracted physically or in any other way. I feel that I do this because I am scared to be validated and judged by someone who I do find attractive. Doing this makes me think less about sex; I don’t feel good afterwards and it is reducing my sex drive. I simply can’t bring myself to meet someone I do find attractive. I think I am sabotaging myself subconsciously, and that’s why I go for guys I find unattractive.
You deserve to feel safe and confident in your sexuality, and to have partners with whom you can truly enjoy sex. You are very young – at the beginning of your sexual life with others – and it is understandable that you should experiment with different kinds of people and situations. But there is an element of self-abuse in what you are doing, and it is important that you take better care of your body and mind. Some people fall into this behaviour because they feel pressured by their social circle into engaging in sex with strangers before they are ready. You do not have to do this.
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