Beware of stories that begin with ‘I’ll deserve love when ...’, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith. They can become impossible to satisfy
I am 45, 165kg and lonely. I am struggling to lose weight despite the adverse impact on my health. I desperately want to have the confidence to meet someone, but loathe myself so much, I would think there was something deeply wrong with anyone who found me attractive.
I have never developed a sexual or fantasy life, largely due to my weight, but intermittently go on dating apps which help only briefly. I sometimes end up having explicit conversations with men I have no intention of meeting or pursuing in any meaningful way. This often feels overwhelming but has been the case for so long (nearly 20 years) that any route out feels impossible. I otherwise have a “good” life, a great job and lovely friends, but this feeling of loneliness pervades and keeps me stuck. I’d love to think things can change but then remember my limits each day, keeping me in this place. Any thoughtful ideas would be much appreciated.
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