There are uncomfortable thoughts at the root of most envy, writes Eleanor Gordon-Smith, and more often than not those thoughts are about yourself
I’m struggling with jealousy over an old friend’s (well-deserved!) success. We both work in a creative industry, and when we were starting out we spent a long time consoling each other over (very cheap) red wine about the long, unpredictable luck-driven road to success in our field. We’re both good at what we do, and after years of slogging away, her latest project has taken off in a big way, with a whole new set of opportunities opening up. I want to feel happy for her in an uncomplicated way, but the moments of envy and “why not me?” keep creeping in, and I’ve found myself turning down invitations to catch up because of it. How can I handle those feelings in a healthy way and get back to celebrating her achievement?
The comedian Billy Connolly tells a story about going back to his hometown and stopping at the pub to see his old mates. He dreads it because he knows that until the moment he opens the door everyone in that pub is perfectly happy with their lives. But then he walks in, and the lives that seemed full and warm just moments ago suddenly seem tinny and empty to the people who have to live them. He hates making his friends feel tinny.
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