Our obligation to the truth is one of the oldest ethical questions, says Eleanor Gordon-Smith. In this situation the person who might need honesty the most is you
Recently I moved to a new city. I’ve met some lovely people, though it’s hard past a certain age to make new close friends, rather than just friendly acquaintances. However, there is one person who I have become close friends with over the past year. When she introduced me to her wider, fairly new social group I was made to feel unwelcome and uncomfortable by them. My friend seems oblivious to this and keeps inviting me to join them on social outings. Should I explain to her that I would like to be her friend only, and risk causing a drama, or just keep quiet and hope she doesn’t perceive my distance as being flaky or uninterested in her friendship?
It’s one of the oldest ethical questions: how much do I really need to tell the truth about? If you’re frank with this new friend, and you tell her you can’t stand the company she keeps, you risk alienating her and losing her as well as them. But if you’re not honest enough, and just mysteriously have to wash your hair every time they hang out, you risk seeming anti-social and ungrateful for the invitation. It’s a social quagmire, right after you relocated, when what you probably want most is solid ground.
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