You must master your jealously or it will play havoc with your relationship, says Mariella Frostrup
The dilemma My partner of three years sent a female colleague a pornographic joke, and I can’t get over it. He said they’ve been friends since school days, but it doesn’t sit right with me. He can’t explain why he did it, apart from banter, and he thought she would find it funny. He’s said it won’t happen again and he made an error of judgment. Ten days before this he invited a female golfing colleague to his house for a curry (albeit with his male lodger). It sends out the wrong message, and if he feels this is acceptable, what else is he capable of? My mind is running riot. I know I have trust issues – my ex was unfaithful at least six times, and the reason I found out about the pornographic text was because I checked his phone. He’s the love of my life and he feels the same. There has always been strong chemistry between us and I don’t want to let my past get in the way, but I’m really struggling.
Mariella replies Poor you. Having endured the ravages of paranoid (and sometimes not so paranoid) jealousy in my youth, I know how agonising it can be. Luckily, it’s a debilitating condition that most of us manage to control over time. Allowed to flourish, jealousy becomes your master, sapping emotional energy and any hope of happiness.
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