She rejects any show of intimacy on my part, and I feel as if my sexual desire for her is perverted
I’m 62, and my wife is 54. We have been married for nearly two years. Six months after we were married, she had a major prolapse of her bladder. At that point, her desire for sex greatly diminished. This went on for almost a year. Six months ago, she had a hysterectomy. Now she has no desire for sex at all, nor does she have any desire for intimacy. We even sleep in separate beds. I still very much want sex. I have really tried to be understanding, but it hurts and is very disappointing. I am afraid it will ruin our marriage. She loves me very much, and feels guilty that she has lost her once-strong sexual drive. To make matters worse, she is turned off by any hint of an advance on my part. I feel almost as if my sexual desire for her is perverted. I can’t take that. I love her dearly as well. But I don’t know what to do.
The sexual consequences and aftermath of such physical complications can be complex and multifaceted. First, there are the purely physiological factors, such as possible nerve damage, which can create partial or total interruption of the sexual response. Second, your wife will be experiencing radical hormonal changes that will affect her desire, arousal and orgasmic ability. And you have alluded to the psychological and relationship issues that frequently arise in your situation – for her, feelings of guilt, shame, even anger towards her own body; for you, frustration, disappointment, fear of hurting her and more.
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