I love giving him pleasure, but he is reluctant to do the same for me and shrugs it off any time I mention it
I have been with my partner now for three months. He is 28 and I am 21. He is caring, affectionate and very respectful of women, which is important to me because my ex-boyfriend used to call me a slut. However, he only seems to care about penetrative sex, whereas my orgasms are more intense from clitoral stimulation. I have mentioned this to him lots of times, but he always shrugs it off. I love performing oral on him but he seems reluctant to do the same for me. I have always felt that sex should be devoid of any kind of obligation, and want to give my partner as much pleasure as I can without feeling as if I should get something in return, but I find it really difficult to do this when my desires don’t seem to figure very much in his idea of what sex is.
You may be assuming too much. This may not be unwillingness on his part, but simply naivety and a lack of technique. Like many young men, your partner probably doesn’t really have a full understanding of exactly how to pleasure you clitorally, and you are going to have to teach him. You will have to be very specific, and let him know you expect quid pro quo. Your notion that during lovemaking you should not “expect anything in return” is problematic for two reasons. First, he will never learn to be a better lover unless you teach him. Second, he will continue to be a selfish lover unless you let him know what you want. And these deficits will only lead you to be more and more resentful. Have the courage to sweetly ask for what you need, and reward him when he gets it right. Far from instigating the “contractual obligation” you fear, this is actually a way to preserve your sexual connection – and your entire relationship.
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