This started after about a year of our relationship, about the time I got pregnant. Something similar happened with my ex – I’m scared I’m going to ruin everything again
I am in a relationship of three years. We started off with a very healthy sexual relationship, but since about one year in, I have gradually lost all interest and am beginning to feel physically repulsed by the thought of being touched or touching him. My partner tries to get close to me and I just shut down and push his hands away. We have a 20-month-old son together, and I have a six-year-old daughter. The same thing happened after about one year with my ex, although I wasn’t pregnant or a mother by that time. I occasionally give in out of guilt for him and “let him”, but I feel violated and often cry throughout in the dark. We are arguing more and more, although I am not an argumentative person. I am feeling hatred rising inside me and I’m scared I’m going to ruin everything again. I don’t know what to do ... Is this something you can help with?
Parents of very young children often experience low libido. This can be due to factors such as stress, fatigue, lack of privacy or opportunity, or perhaps hormonal changes. Becoming a mother can also change a woman’s self-perception so that the sense of herself as a sexual being can be naturally and temporarily lost. If you think these things apply to you, correct them by trying to get more rest and help with childcare, and try to reconnect with your earlier romantic and erotic feelings. That might mean occasionally returning to the kind of dating experiences you once enjoyed and creating time and space for your partner and you to enjoy yourselves. It is never easy to transition from being a couple to being a family of four. Resentments and anxieties can arise, sometimes remaining unspoken, and these can lead to a loss of sexual interest. What are your deep feelings about your new situation? Do you feel, for example, that your partner is pulling his weight? Your sex life will depend on the balance of your life and the viability of your partnership. Sometimes, however, there can be deeper psychological issues that arise during parenthood, perhaps related to unconscious matters or early trauma, and these usually require treatment. Fortunately, the fact that you began your relationship with a healthy sexual partnership makes it very likely that you will be able to restore it again.
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